I’m behind on my schooling, and the lessons of life. This bleakness is deafening and I’m afraid like a child in rainstorm. Am I lost, am I drowning or am I rising with the
tides of the ocean?
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
just found out my dad has Gout. It’s not a serious illness but it is one in which he will have to change his lifestyle dramatically permanently. At this point I am both angry and sad for him; he, like me, is resistant to change and I don’t believe he is taking this news well. The news will have me quitting my restaurant job to help him and my mother take care of their restaurant: learning to cook, maintaining the restaurant, etc.
This comes at an inopportune time as I may or may not be leaving the states to go to China for a year depending on how my contract with a school there goes. I’m afraid I will hit another cross roads in due time. While I do have an enormous desire to go to China, I have an obligation to my parents. I just wish there was more I could do for my father.
I work with refugees at my day job and had the pleasure of talking to a brother and his sister while taking them to get their social security apps turned in. We get a lot of refugees from Iraq and it seems like a no brainer now but the irony of having them come to America as refugees *because* of us (or at least in part) was glaringly obvious now. We talked about a lot of things but the thing that stuck out the most for me was when the brother said, “all was good, before the war”
- X: I found out the girl who left me emotionally broken and abandoned me two years ago is moving out of state permanently.
- Y: that's probably a good thing, X.
- X: yeah. It is....But it's just so fucking sad.
- Y: yeah, I know. I know.
Maybe we are, the stories we write after all.