When I am old and senile and my mind begins to slip through the cracks of reality and memory, your name will let loose at the tip of my tongue like Orion’s arrow from his bow and into the world ever so seamlessly and into the heart of the woman who cares for me now; a sliver of shock and wonder at the distance one has traveled throughout a life without a being like you. But in the end, it is her that will be by my side and not you; and though that arrow will be meant for love lost, the afterthought will be placed in regret and disappointment
Me going to china will cement me being a singular person for the rest of my life I imagine….I don’t really see any other way out of it.
I grow tired of being the constant arbiter between friends who are lovers and friends who are with strangers.
I’m behind on my schooling, and the lessons of life. This bleakness is deafening and I’m afraid like a child in rainstorm. Am I lost, am I drowning or am I rising with the
tides of the ocean?
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
just found out my dad has Gout. It’s not a serious illness but it is one in which he will have to change his lifestyle dramatically permanently. At this point I am both angry and sad for him; he, like me, is resistant to change and I don’t believe he is taking this news well. The news will have me quitting my restaurant job to help him and my mother take care of their restaurant: learning to cook, maintaining the restaurant, etc.
This comes at an inopportune time as I may or may not be leaving the states to go to China for a year depending on how my contract with a school there goes. I’m afraid I will hit another cross roads in due time. While I do have an enormous desire to go to China, I have an obligation to my parents. I just wish there was more I could do for my father.
I work with refugees at my day job and had the pleasure of talking to a brother and his sister while taking them to get their social security apps turned in. We get a lot of refugees from Iraq and it seems like a no brainer now but the irony of having them come to America as refugees *because* of us (or at least in part) was glaringly obvious now. We talked about a lot of things but the thing that stuck out the most for me was when the brother said, “all was good, before the war”